Baby-daddy drama

Earlier today I was thinking: "How am I going to make him care? How am I going to make him talk to me? Is he even going to believe this child is half his flesh and blood?" 

I have been driving myself crazy with the father of this baby. Trying so hard as I do in every relationship I have to do something to make him want me around or to just get what I think I need out of him. It doesn't work like that. You can't make anyone else do anything. You have to simply say 'this is the way it is, but I can do this about it' 

 

I am learning how to let go. I have done pretty well by my interpretation of keeping my cool and not being immature. My anger is not under complete control, but has been renovated.

I have not showed up at his work and made a scene. I have not vandalized his car. I have called him one name this whole time "an ass", but I think I am doing pretty good. I do need to get over thinking I can manipulate him into caring. 

 

So far, based on his behavior .... It's not going to happen. He is going to not care. He thinks all I want is money. While I may need money because of my terrible financial position, I want more for him to be present. I need to stop holding my breath and accept that he will not and cannot be that person. Not for me, my baby, or anyone. 

 

I was looking for encouragement on my go-to site for all my pregnancy curiousities and found this ::

"I give God all the Glory. My daughter is now 16 months old. When I first posted a msg here I was very depressed because I was pregnant without the father of my child around. He chose to party and chase women. I felt so lost, hurt, angry, embarassed like I wouldn't be able to get through it. Going through that at 34 years old when you think you have control over your life and able to make good decisions made me feel worse. Well everything has changed now. Because of the support of the stories I read here,family, friends and talking to so many beautiful strong single parents, I gained the strength I needed to get through the pregnancy and raise my beautiful daughter. I am soooo happy that her father is not around. I never thought i would reach this place And now when he begs for me to take him back now, I tell him I'm sorry, I have absolutely no feelings for attraction for you. I don't hate him. I am just so enjoying my child and look forward to God bringing me a good man."

posted 11/04/2007 by Roni56  babycenter.com 

 

 

hey Roni, thanks for the encouragement. i need the boost sometimes. 

Week 18

I expected a lot different from my first pregnancy.

Expectations: Cuddling in bed with my husband dreaming of baby names and the color of the new little life's eyes. Having back-rubs, favors done, worries discussed in the security of a permanent loving relationship.

Reality: Lots of crying, feeling sorry for myself, worrying about the baby's future, worrying about the father's participation with the baby in the future, and disappointment. Disappointment in myself for not being more capable of taking care of this little person on my own. Disappointment in the baby's father. Disappointment in my decisions, with my lowered standards that lead to an unwed-pregnancy.

I am never physically comfortable. I can imagine this will only increase. I just wish I quit getting nosebleeds, or that I could lay on my stomach again. I love sleeping, but I am so tired. I am getting more energy as this goes on, so that is an upside.

I have no clue about what to expect from the dad. I have heard from my friends that I shouldn't let him be in the child's life at all especially when he is not around. I hear no dad is better than a bad father, but I simply disagree. I think even though I don't love him, and he doesn't love me I can pray to love him like God loves him, so that my child can have a relationship with him. It's time for me to be the 'bigger' person. When I first told him, he seemed so excited and willing to be supportive. Right now he has just dropped of the face of the earth. I think once he told his friends, they put poisonous lies into him. I just want to know who he is. I can't believe I put myself in this position. Shame on me for allowing someone who was basically a stranger to be so intimate with me.

I just saw it as a solution to my pain at the time, but I never thought it would have caused so much more. I know once I see my baby's face this will change. This overwhelming disappointment. I may text him "too much" but how much is too much when my belly is growing everyday and all of the facets of my life are different and will be different from now on. Unfair doesn't even begin to explain the inequality of this situation. I don't have any hope of getting his affection any more. I am really beginning to doubt the seriousness of his initial plans to give the baby attention. I WANTED SO MUCH FOR MY CHILD.

What am I supposed to do?