I have never been as lonely as when I have had my sweet little baby by my side every waking moment of every day. I never imagined that trying to run from my pain by falling into someone's bed would give me so much grief.
I love my baby. I can't believe I have responsibility over a human being. It blows my mind. I am such a lucky woman. But although I have the help of my family, the warm arms that got me here, the kisses that weakened my knees, and the wondering hands that thrilled me are no longer around to comfort me. I have no love to make the longing in my heart subside to anything less than the nagging gaping hole of loneliness.
I know you can feel lonely when you have companionship, but when there are so many people who promise to be supportive of your sagging disappointments; loneliness is the result.
Everything is going well. I have restarted school. My daughter is happy. I have clothes on my back and a warm home to live in. BUT... every one always has a big fat but. I want to just want to have somebody for me. Not to feed me, not to house me, not to need me, but someone I can go to fall back on. That's where I am right now.
My friend put me on a dating site. Funny, because it was really sweet the way she had me describe myself. The only thing is I'm just plain not interested. I'm a little afraid of what I want. Some how even proof reading this is just making me think just maybe something in me needs to be settled first. I think single is ok, but after all that was the point of this blog. Whats up with that?
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