Yackity-yac Don't talk back

I took down all the pictures and untagged them all in the first hour. That's just how it goes. Move on. Move on. MOVE ON. I can bid myself whatever I choose, but I have to force myself to go through with it.
   My roommate said to me "If I hear his name one more time..." and I realized that I am my own affliction at this point. Another roommate has a book It's Called a Break-up because It's Broken. I read almost 200 pages tonight of it. When I absorbed the sarcastic pick-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps pages, something clicked. Yes, I did things wrong, but so did he. I don't need to feel so bad and wallow, because he isn't. He didn't just break up with me out of the blue; it was premeditated. He had reasons. He is living his life. Then I had another thought. I'M IN FREAKING FLORIDA! Why the heck shouldn't I be having a good time?!

  A good time doesn't mean dressing up like a piece of meat and making out with a fine Brazilian you will never speak to again; because even though I felt vindicated and desirable, I missed him more. It was weird. Every night almost I get to see fireworks at work, and that's what it was like. When I looked in his eyes and he would kiss me, fireworks went off in my heart. THAT'S magic.

  To be fair to myself though, it was flawed. We weren't exactly perfect for each other. We broke up because of bad timing, immaturity, inexperience, and some other unnamed suspicions of mine but now that I am single I will count and be grateful for my liberties.

1.  I was always afraid of dancing. I didn't want to cross any lines or set any tones that I wasn't supposed to, so I kept it together. Some self control would be better than just going crazy, but I don't have to walk on egg shells anymore.
2. I don't have to carve out time to talk to someone on Skype or the phone as a daily thing. I tried to communicate it was something I wasn't that picky about: "You don't have to call if you don't want"-means now that I think about it .."Please call me, but not out of obligation as if I am a task master, but because you just want to tell me what's on your mind"
3. I am not a bad person for enjoying alcohol. HE NEVER SAID I WAS. I was just afraid of coming on a little too strong if I had some around him. I was also trying to save face. I want alcohol very rarely, but I feel bad if someone has issues with it and I want a glass. I mostly don't drink alone. I don't drink when I am sad. And I don't drink to get drunk. I am VERY uptight, so it literally helps me unwind.
4. I AM NOT ABRASIVE. This is the most important one. I have wrestled with this because of the reason he gave me for giving up. "You talk too much. You are not approachable." Becomes very quickly, "You have an abrasive personality.  You don't care about people- only yourself. You should really learn how to be a better person, so you are tolerable." 

   After reading through that book, I am deciding to really start the process of letting go. Really. Really. I sent him a birthday card, because I wanted to beat his mom. "I won't send him five, but I sent him the first one." Hey, Stupid, QUIT WASTING YOUR TIME. He made his decision and you have to live with it. You don't get a choice.

So the book got to this part : no contact for 60 days. Wow two months. I have been crying every day for nearly a month and this sounded perfect. None. If he calls, don't answer. So what? This is what he wanted. He won't call anyway, so why does it matter you took him out of your phone?  Good for me. I needed to not even have the option. The book said it and it sounded like a good idea, so lets see how this goes.

February 25, 2012= DAY ONE