Ever feel like a song?
Some music does exactly that. Narrates me. Tonight I am sipping my rum and coke and just mourning. I am happy. Life is good. I went to the Disney opening of the Leap Day "One more Disney Day" celebration thing. It was so cool, but now twenty-some hours later- mostly overtired - I am sad again.
It's his birthday today. Happy Birthday, Baby. I miss you. I wish you missed me as much, but I'm sure you are over your use for me. I wish I could have come up with a way to make him tell me more. Make him wait longer, try harder, be more patient. This is happening for a reason. I hope I'm not looking at the past through rose colored glasses. I just thought everything was perfect.
I saw on Facebook that the first ex- that I now realized was NOT healthy or sane- has a baby. He said it wasn't him. It looks just like him. It's always someone that doesn't expect or want those things that gets them. I wasn't jealous, but I was sad. Sad enough to say that I should be looking forward to a beautiful curly headed boy and not facing an uncertain future. I know I don't need all of it right now and there is a reason, but I just didn't want to find myself alone.
YOU don't always get what you want for sure.
Missing the music festival being on this internship thing.
Should I stay here and try to go to school or should I go back home the place I miss and love and belong? If I stay am I holding onto a failed relationship hoping something more will come of my hope?
God, please help me know what my next step is.
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