Secrets secrets are no fun.

Hello, my name is CB and I am an angry person.

I feel like I need to go to meetings ... Too bad Al-Anon has a group with 20-somethings and it would really be awkward for me to show up to an anger management group for any other reason short of a court order. It's really easy to get me mad, when I get mad I get even. Recently, at work it has been bad.

 I often look down on those people. Why is she gossiping? She isn't better than anyone else here. Recently, that she has been me. I don't know what caused me to get so haughty or self righteous, but when I got my toes stepped on, I knew of no other way to handle it than to go to every living person around to try to gain sympathy and favor.  All that does is make you look bad. It's called gossip. Most of the time it makes people afraid to be your friend or tell you anything for fear they are your next victim. Thus, I have successfully turned half of my department against me. I can only thank myself.

GOOD JOB.

I don't know what's going to happen. But I realized there was a trend with all of these people who didn't like me, a pattern : me. As much as you want to think something is not your fault, this time it is. I overreact and say REALLY mean and rude things behind the person's back - IF they ARE lucky. Other times its to them directly.

Same thing happened with every ex I have ever had. I always cut people down for hurting my feelings. It isn't healthy to operate that way.

Even if I wasn't a Christian, that is a form of malevolent behavior that is hard to overlook. AS a CHRISTIAN it is unacceptable. I am ashamed.

God, forgive me for my anger. Forgive me for my need to control people or a situation. Forgive me for claiming I have the right to act in my own defense. Vengeance is Yours. You desire that everyone know how much You want them, how easy forgiveness is to obtain. Please help me unlearn this horrible habit. It is painful to people You love and desire. I don't want to stand in Your way when You try to let me go through a painful situation to learn or grow. Let me learn patience. Thank You for Your patience with me. Amen